Timara Klever

Yay for chapter four. XD Chapter Four Sarran plodded along in the pale moonlight, trudging through the ruins of what had been his home. He had reached the village just ...

All right. This isn't bad. First things first, though. You've got to get the formatting right, because it's driving me crazy. Whenever someone new speaks, you should start a new ...

Chapter One Chapter Two And now... Chapter Three Sarran could feel the power of his shikar as it permeated his being. He was as yet unsure of the gift it ...

Hmm...Interesting. First off, you might want to edit your post and hit enter or return between each paragraph. This will make it easier for everyone to read. Let's see...You use ...

Gryphon: Both the bael'kar and the yakar are explained in detail later, I promise. If you really must know, both words are actually heal'ghymn, which is the language Sarran and ...

Man, I don't think I'll be able to keep up the 2 reviews per post deal...I think I'll shoot for 1.5 instead. That I can probably do around school, work, ...

This is good. Interesting premise. The only major problem I have with it is the extensive use of passive voice and the word "was" whenever you want to describe something: ...

Wow, Sarran really is a jerk, isn't he? He gets a bit nicer -much- later. XD I hadn't even realized he was so...snooty in the beginning. Anyways... Heh, I misspelled ...

Sarran is the most talented, most gifted, most promising, and most arrogant student the ihari-kar has ever seen. Avain is considerably less talented, singularly ungifted, thoroughly not promising, and

Okay, this needs a lot of work. It's not terrible, but really...If you're going to bring this story up to par, it will take a lot of time and effort ...

This would be easier to read if you put a space between the paragraphs. XD The biggest thing that jumps out at me is the fact that you keep switching ...

Hey. XD I'm Timara, and I just joined.